Overcoming unhealthy dependence : Part One

By Pastor Josphat G. Charagu
Introduction
In one way or another, we all find ourselves depending on others. There is a saying which states that, “No man is an island”. This means that we all need each other. However, the extent to which we rely on others can make or break us. Any kind of reliance that leaves a person completely dependant on others is dangerous. It is unhealthy. It takes away the belief that one can be self reliant and rely only on God. If all the people who support you today withdrew their support, would you still remain on your feet? If your husband / wife, your children, your boss, your friend or any other person who supports you is no longer available for you, would your life continue as usual? All over the world, including the developed countries, many people find themselves trapped in unhealthy dependency which end up making them slaves and victims of hopelessness and desperation. Unfortunately, this unhealthy dependency starts slowly and innocently in the lives of its victims and before they realize it, it is already a force within themselves that they can hardly control. The African continent is the hardest hit by this epidemic. The church in general and the missionaries in particular have played a very big role in this enslavement to unhealthy dependency. This explains why most churches cannot survive on their own. They must rely on foreign aid and foreign personnel to run their affairs. If the church as an Institution is not self reliant, what about its followers? There is no way a follower can be better than the one leading him. This shows exactly how the ordinary Christian is enslaved by unhealthy dependency. This further explains why many Christians are hardly successful in their day to day lives.
The consequence of the above situation is the stagnation of African Christian churches and their followers. Many Church ministers and leaders rush to the western countries in search of assistance while leaving behind a lot of resources at their disposal back in Africa. To understand these teachings clearly, let me give some definitions.

Dependence
This is a situation in which a person depends on the help and support of someone or something else in order to exist or be successful. It is a situation where someone is addicted to something. Did you know you can be addicted to relying on others?

Unhealthy
This means something that is harmful and likely to make you ill, weak or even kill you. It can be an unhealthy food, drink, behavior, environment etc. It is dangerous to the existence of the person in such a situation.

Unhealthy Dependency
This is a kind of reliance or dependence that is harmful and likely to make you ill, weak or even kill you. It is too much dependence that leaves the person free of any responsibility and therefore fully relying or depending on someone or something else for his or her existence. Without this help and support, the person cannot exist and if he exists, he cannot be successful. This means that the person’s life is not in his own hands or his own control. It is controlled by external forces and therefore the person is a slave.

Self Reliance
This is a situation in which a person does not depend on the help and support of someone or something else in order to exist or be successful. Such a person is in full control of his own life and existence. He is not subjected to external forces. He is therefore not a slave to anyone and he therefore exists freely and leads a successful life.

Where is God in Self Reliance?
Maybe you are asking me, “Pastor, how can I be self reliant and yet we are supposed to lay all our burdens at the feet of Christ, then relax and have a good time? Friend, The Bible says that the Lord will bless the work of your hands. If you are not doing anything with your hands or your head (brains), what will God bless in your life? Paul said that he who doesn’t work should not eat. If you can relax and do nothing, and not be a burden to anyone, well and good. Go ahead, sleep the whole day and the whole night. However, this can only happen in another world, not the one we live in. I must state clearly here that Self reliance does not exclude God from the control of our lives. It means that the person is fully responsible and accountable for his / her life as a good steward in line with the Scriptures and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Any other influence or dependence is subjected to scrutiny so that it liberates, empowers and equips the person to be more productive and fruitful as opposed to enslaving through unhealthy dependency.
God is the initiator of liberation. When Adam and Eve sinned at the Garden of Eden, God knew that satan wanted to enslave mankind and take away their self reliance and reference to God. That is why the devil tried to discredit God by telling Eve that God was not honest to them when He told them not to eat the fruit. God however was quick to restore mankind to freedom. This redemption was finally fulfilled at Calvary through the death of Jesus Christ. In my view, any church or religion that does not liberate its followers from unhealthy dependency is not worthy calling itself a church or even relating itself with Christ.

If you over-rely on other people or other things for your existence or success, it is the high time you re-evaluated your life, go back to the crossroads and take the right direction towards self-reliance. God did not purpose that you be a dependent of your parents, your husband, your wife, your brothers, your sisters, your children, your employer, your friends, your neighbors, your church, your government etc. He did not give you those people so that you could be a burden to them. No!!!! They are meant to facilitate or help you to be self reliant. They are not supposed to give you the fish to eat. They are supposed to give you the fishing equipments to catch your own fish.
God is therefore a supporter of and an advocate of self reliance. God does not enslave, He empowers, equips and liberates.

In Part two, I will teach on how Africa and other developing countries and their inhabitants became and are still becoming slaves of Unhealthy Dependency.